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Showing posts from December, 2009

What Faith Can Do

I love the delete key.Just one little tap, and gone are my typos. While it can obliterate all traces of word, it cannot delete much else. Words have been swimming in my head...impossible, strength, fear, humility,scared, prayer, courage, pain, gratitude, abandonment, hope, broken, faith...some of them I wish I could delete. That being said, I could not pen the words to reflect on the last 730 days. Then, I heard this song. It was written beautifully, just as Kristin has lived the last two years. Beautifully! She has shown,"that life is more than what your eyes are seeing." What can your faith do? Kristin, you are MY hero. Humbly, Madre

FOLLOW UP XRAY & SOMETHINGS NEVER CHANGE

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Kristin had a follow-up xray and chemo on Thursday. The xray was excellent and it showed no signs of pneumonia. We are thrilled. Labs were drawn, which I have not seen, all I know is her ANC was 3000. Which is good. Although I'm thinking that is too high for maintenance?!? She was given vincristine @ 50% intravenously and continues her daily regime of oral chemo and antibiotics. Kristin's two year mark quickly approaches. Two years seems to be forever. Ambivalent feelings rise. Gratitude for the fact that we have the priceless privilege of still giving Kristin hugs and kisses. Sadness for the life we use to have.... before leukemia invaded our lives. We will see how I feel on the 17th... I love you all and that will never change.

NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS, I GUESS

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Just a quick up date. Kristin has returned to P-town and I to Nevada. There have been no fever, just exhaustion, nausea and loss of appetite. We contribute the nausea to the meds and the exhaustion to the pneumonia. The daily chemo evidently should have never been stopped?!? So, she needs to start up on it. She has a follow up with an xray and more chemo this coming Thursday. Mean time, she has not called with any fevers or pain and the hospital has not called with any reports of the labs taken. so, no news is good news.

THIS IS SO NOT FUN

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I know, the title is not very good grammar, but if the word fits, write it. Right? As of the last post Kristin was not doing so good. The evening brought some pretty high fevers, some awfully low blood pressure (70/34), difficulty breathing, and all around tense moments. BUT, emphasis on the big BUT, is that she made it through the night just a little worse for wear. Some test results began to come back. No, it is not a-typical pneumonia (walking pneumonia), negative on the H1N1 or seasonal flu, negative for Legionella, negative for aspergillius, negative for a slew of other viruses and bacterias, negative blood cultures. Levaquin seems to be the antibiotic of choice. The trouble was why is she still having such high fevers? What needed to be ruled out was PCP, pneumocystis carinni pneumonia. This is an opportunistic pneumonia that people with compromised immune systems are susceptible. Leukemia patients are prime targets along with HIV and bone marrow patients. Her xray has shown that

FRIEND OR FOE

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Pneumonia has reared it's ugly head. After three hospital visits, Kristin was finally admitted to Primary's Wednesday with a temp of 105, difficulty breathing and low oxygen saturation rates. Darren booked me on the next available flight and I was here by 4:00. Thank you to Nate and his mom Tamara for their help. I had a feeling it would come down to this or that something was brewing the day before Thanksgiving. Monday was very difficult for me. Panicked phone calls and continued high fevers left me spent. And I not the one with pneumonia. I knew she should not have returned to Provo so soon. After the tears, I decided, for myself, it is easier to be angry than upset. Angry at this all. Angry that this @#$% is so all consuming and invasive, frightening and paralyzing, obscure and mysterious. Thus far, she has had a CT scan, several blood draws for too many tests I cannot begin to name, and a not so fun saline nasal aspirate. (which had to be repeated making it not so

CANNOT WAIT TO HEAR THE FAT LADY SING!

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Well, against our better judgement, Kristin returned to Provo on Sunday. Actually she only made it to Bountiful. For the entire drive back she was sporting a not so good fever. Coughing fits made for a tense ride. Poor Nate! Good thing the Nevada Highway patrol was understanding. When they arrived in Bountiful, the cold air literally took her breath away. The Sumbots had her stay there for the night. Thank you! The next day fever still persisted and she went to Primary's for followup. A new xray showed "hazy or foggy" lungs. Saturday they only saw something in the lower left lung which I guess is typical for A-typical pneumonia. ie. walking pneumonia. So, they just said it could be viral or bacterial, we don't know. If it is pneumocystis, she'll get much sicker. mmmm that is comforting. She returned home. Last night we talked and her temp 102.2. She called about an hour later struggling to breathe. I talked her through it and she was fine. Early this morning her t