"THE BRAVEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN"

Kristin has taken quite a down slide the last two weeks and yesterday it caught up with her. She quickly lost the last few healthy pounds that she was hanging onto while she has been trying to recover from the last two doses of doxorubicin, dexamethasone and vincristine. Although we are repeating delayed intensification, this go around has been extremely difficult and physically taxing.

Yesterday, she decided; on her own, that she needed extra nutrition. Actually she had gotten ready for school and was desperately trying to eat something for breakfast. We took one look at her struggle and Darren carried her to our bed to rest. "I cannot do this by myself Mom.," was her surrender. She called Connie Goes; our nurse practitioner extraordinaire herself unbeknownest to me,while I was in the shower. Connie ordered an NG tube (nasal gastric) for which liquid nutrition would be given to Kristin at home. Knowing that she truly needed this, Kristin bravely went with me to Renown to have this procedure done. She was extremely weak at this point and we were looking forward to the relief that the extra nutrition would provide. As she sat on the bed the nurse, without warning,forcefully shoved the tubing down her nose. It was such a shock and took her by complete surprise! It had gone down her airway instead and she began to wheeze. Too weak to accept the extremely forceful act, tears began to pour. Honestly, from both of us. Neither of us were prepared for the brutalness. The nurse quickly pulled it out and apologized, saying that she was told it would be better if she did it quickly. I said we needed a moment to regroup and to be alone. Being too quick to opt out of this procedure, I said we did not have to do this. Kristin said,"I have to do this, I don't want to, but I cannot do this on my own. I am too weak." As the moment settled, I offered a humble prayer that only a mother could, asking for peace and the ability to commit to this procedure, for it to go smoothly and without incident. The nurse entered into the room. As a calming spirit enveloped around us, Kristin peacefully, confidently and bravely said, "Can I do it myself?" I was speechless. She took a deep breath and inserted the tube as if she had done it a hundred times before. The nurse then said,"I think that that has to the bravest thing I have ever seen." Yes, it was the bravest thing I had ever seen also. As I write this I am still moved by the surreal moment.

Sadly though, the NG tube was not enough. I slept with her through the night to make sure all went well with the feeding. (I have to say that, from the beginning, I cannot help compare all of her care, returning home from hospital trips, etc. and how they remind me so much of taking care of a new baby.) By the morning she was terribly weak and could not so much as lift her head up. Connie called and I told her of Kristin's condition. She quickly arranged for her to be admitted and to be put on TPN to help stabilize her. The TPN will be administered through her broviac line. Darren came home and called Gerry Hansen. They gave Kristin a beautiful blessing. Too weak to walk, Darren carried her to the car. Upon arrival she was weighed and we were disappointed to see she had lost two pounds since yesterday!

I am very grateful to have her in the hospital. I feel the NG tube and the nutrition we were giving her at home was definitely not enough and things would have only gotten worse. So, right now we are trying to get on top of this. Kristin was dancing pretty close to the edge, but this last go around of chemo was enough to push her over. It happend very quickly and has taken us all by surprise. I have never seen her in this state and hope that it resolves shortly. It is very upsetting. Right now Darren is with her for the night and I will return in the morning. Before I left she softly whispered that she knows everything will be okay. Yes, baby girl!

Tomorrow is Eric's birthday and hopefully we can try to simulate something that resembles a party at the hospital. I am thinking that sushi will somehow have to be involved.

A big thank you to Shelly Gunter who fed my family and brought her puppy,Porsche over to love Kristin.

I will close with asking for more of your prayers to be offered on her behalf and for Eric Trowbridge who is also fighting his battles in Oakland.

Leslie and family

p.s. to read more about Eric, I have his families permission to provide you with his website in hopes that you will include him in your faithful prayers also.
www.caringbridge.org/visit/erictrowbridge